Introduction: You’re about to listen to Spouse Hunting, the podcast that dares to ask the question: Can I use the rules of real estate to find the love of my life?

And then has the audacity to answer… Yes, yes, you can.

I’m your host, Brian Belefant. Licensed Oregon Real Estate Broker.

This is episode one.

Brian Belefant: You know that saying, “You never get a second chance to make a first impression?”

It’s true.

So how do you make a good first impression?

I don’t know, but I know somebody who does… Her name is Sam Lauachus, and she’s been working in fashion for years. Not fashion like that stupid shit they show people wearing on the cat walks in Milan. Fashion like the stuff that helps you look your best.

I invited Sam to come talk a little bit about how you can make your best first impression

So Sam, Where are we finding you today?

Sam Lauachus: Oh, Pasadena, California.

Brian Belefant: Do you own a home?

Sam Lauachus: Yes, I have a lovely little home in Pasadena, which is Pasadena after all. And everybody knows Pasadena. I’m about a mile from the Rose Bowl.

It’s a… I love old houses. This house was built in 1911. it was built as a worker’s shack for the orange grove owner that used to own this tract. Villa Park was a big orange grove, and he built these worker shacks and that’s what my house was. So it’s a small house, it’s only a thousand square feet, and I think when the worker had it, it was 500 square feet. The second story was put on — it is actually the attic of the main house was turned into bedrooms. So I walked in, I was like, Oh my God, this place… You could feel the history just pouring off of it. It was wonderful, the Southern California history, I could feel it.

So it’s kind of a cross between, it’s a cross between a lot of styles, it’s like craftsmen, and it has a little bit of a New Orleans look to the front porch. I don’t know what they were thinking when they bought it, but it charmed me. So, a little two bedroom, one bath house, just big enough for me and Elvis. Anything bigger than that, I’d just have to clean it, so… I like small houses. They’re cosy and yeah, I love it here. I’ve had it for about two years.

Brian Belefant: Fantastic. Okay, so I’m going to pick up on something you said, just big enough for you and Elvis. Do you have a partner?

Sam Lauachus: No, I do not.

Brian Belefant: Okay, do you want to elaborate on that?

Sam Lauachus: Well, it’s not, it’s a… It’s a not… well… Okay, so for a few years after my most recent… I hate to call it a relationship, but relationship… I did have to take two or three years off to kind of get my head back together to figure out who I am, what I was looking for, without the noise of his voice in my head. With the help of therapists and a whole lot of reading that took… that can take a while. And I was a little impatient with myself at first, it’s like, “Why aren’t I ready to just go into a relationship?”

And then I was like, but I don’t want to… Those who don’t learn from the past are destined to repeat it? I’m bastardizing that, but I didn’t want to be that. So I had to figure out, what the heck am I doing wrong? Why did I spend 10 years with someone who was so blatantly wrong for me?

So it’s been a little while, but I went through that therapy, read all those books, kept working on myself. I did the work, as they say, which I also figured out is never done. It’s an ongoing processs. The work is never finished. Until you’re dead. So now I’m kind of at the point where I’m dating, but I have my… It’s kind of like your book, it’s kinda like… I haven’t done it in a spreadsheet or written out format, but I have in my head what my deal breakers are just like with buying a house. I always know I love an old house, so why bother going and looking at brand new construction? Because I’m gonna walk in and go, “This is brand new construction and I hate it,” and that would be a waste of two hours of my Saturday. So, I guess, as your book says, dating is kinda like that. You got to know what your deal breakers are, and it took me a while to figure out what my deal breakers were…

Brian Belefant: I don’t think it’s unusual. I think most people, it takes a while.

Sam Lauachus: Yeah. Explaining why there’s so many divorces in this country… 

Brian Belefant: Yeah, my own perception is that so many people, they go into partnerships with people just because the other person wants to be in a partnership with them. Without really taking into consideration if it’s the right thing for them or is the best thing for them.

Sam Lauachus: Right, it’s very true.

Brian Belefant: I did that. Many times.

Sam Lauachus: Well, I’ve learned not to do that in my new world of dating and talking on the dating apps or on the phone with five or six different men within one week, and I’m just like… I don’t want to be in a relationship with this person, even if they are pursuing we, because my head is no longer turned by someone pursuing me.

Brian Belefant: So tell me how you got started.

Sam Lauachus: Okay. My love… probably from the youngest age that I can remember, was fashion. My mom tells this story about how she had purchased me this pink dressed with cabbage roses on it when I was five. I wore that dress  for three months. She could not get me to wear anything else, so she had to wash it at night and I would put it back on the next day. I was so enamored by this cabbage rose dress, I thought it was the most beautiful thing in the world. And you know, to this day, I can remember what it looks like even without photographs, so I can see it in my head.

I have loved clothing, I had the best dressed Barbie dolls that anyone who had ever seen. There’s something about clothing that has always appealed to me. 

So anyway, I started off in advertising. I worked pretty  successfully in advertising for about 14 years, but I always had in my head, by the time I hit 40, I wanted to either have my own fashion line or have my own store. And so there I was 38 and a half years old and still in advertising, and I was like, my goal… Time goes by and my goal year was coming up, and it was like when I made that goal, it was very far off, so I didn’t really need to do anything about it, but then here I am 38 and a half years old, and I was like, I can’t stay in this business anymore. It’s not fulfilling to me creatively, it’s an industry that is not kind to people as they get older, and I thought I’m going to leave the industry and start a clothing store. 

And I learned. And my store was successful, and it did focus on women’s clothing. My store was successful. In the mean time, I was making clothes in my dining room, using my own sewing machine, so I was making one-of-a-kind garments that I kind of would just slide into my store to see if anybody in the interest in them. Because I had all these other designers in there and I would just slide my own stuff in there and say, “Does anybody really want to buy my stuff?” 

Anyway, my stuff sold really well in the store, and the head of Anthropology came into my store one day, found one of my garments and offered me the incredible opportunity to design private label for them. So that’s… I said, “Yes, how hard to might be?” Famous last words.

I’d like that on my headstone too, by the way. How hard can that be? In just naivetee, I said, “Sure, I can do that.” I had no idea what I was doing. None. But I was lucky, they were generous with their time and their money and their expertise, and they took me under their wing and they turned me into a designer. And I will bless them forever for that, because that gave me, a brand new career.

Brian Belefant: Fantastic.

Sam Lauachus: Yeah, so that’s how I got into it, and it was really… Brian, it was just based on love. It was totally what my heart and soul had told me to be from the day my mother bought that cabbage rose dress. There was… There is nothing else for me. But yeah.

Brian Belefant: Yeah, I don’t know if you remember, but when I first met you several thousand years ago, you were a total outlier because the rest of us were dressed in jeans and t-shirts and you actually came in and looked put together. It was a little intimidating. 

Sam Lauachus: It was startling for advertising people.

If you remember correctly, I was making absolutely no money at the time. I got my clothing… You’re gonna laugh. It all came from the Salvation Army and Goodwill. 

Brian Belefant: Fantastic.

Sam Lauachus: So it’s all about how you put it together, it’s not about how much money you have. Style can’t be bought, only clothing can be bought. Style is deeper than that. 

Brian Belefant: That is beautiful. And it kind of going back to what you said about your house, it’s not any one particular thing, it’s not New Orleans, it’s not… but it’s a combination of these things and it is its own style.

Sam Lauachus: Right, right. And I think that’s so important to find when I go into people’s homes, homes are so much like this, and you probably encounter this as well. You walk into someone’s house, especially if they have money, so you walk into someone’s house and you look around and you kinda go, “Uhhhhhhhh, well… you really like postmodern, don’t you?” And the entire house is from their cups to their whatever, everything is this post-modern thing and I’m like, What? Who are you?

I can see that you really like, Heywood-Wakefield, but I also know by looking in your driver’s license that you’re neither Heywood or Wakefield. So what do you like? You know? And that’s a skill set that I have when I dress my clients. I don’t dress them like me, I find out who they are, and I dress them like them. That’s what my clients loved about me when I had my store. None of them walked out there looking like me. They all walked out looking like a really hot version of themselves.

Brian Belefant: That’s nice.

Sam Lauachus: A lot of times, people will walk into a store and they’ll pull something off the rack and they’ll put it on and they’re like, Oh, this is cute, looks good on the manequin. I’ll buy it. And then they get home and they put it on and they’re doing like this…

Brian Belefant: Pulling at it.

Sam Lauachus: … doing like that. You can’t go out on a date if you’re going like that all the time. It’s like, you look awkward, you feel awkward. Once you’re dressed like for a date or for an interview or for anything, you should never think about your clothes after you take that last look in the full-length mirror and walk out the door and you should never think about them again. So your clothes have to fit right, they have to feel right. Something can be the most beautiful garment in the world, and if for some reason you find it itchy, you’re going to be like that five-year-old kid who keeps pulling their sweater off when they really need it ’cause it’s cold, but they don’t wanna wear it. And you won’t be the best version of yourself if in the back to your mind you’re thinking, God, this sweater itches.

So there’s a lot, there’s a lot that goes into it for men and women, and one thing I would always tell people is, Please buy yourself a full-length mirror, even if you have to put it on the back of your door. Even if you have to hide it in your basement buy yourself a full-length mirror. It’s the best investment you can make in yourself is a full-length mirror. 

Brian Belefant: I will take that under consideration. Back to you.

Sam Lauachus:Back to me.

Brian Belefant: So you started down this direction too, but let me sort of poke at the question. Is there one thing that most people get wrong?

Sam Lauachus:Yes, there is one thing that most people who don’t understand what colors they look best in, unless they’ve invested some time to figure that out, and it can make a huge difference. The other thing is most people don’t know what shapes flatter them the most, men and women. There are a lot of tricks that I’ve learned along the way about whether if you’re small breasted, where should your shirt sit on your shoulders? It matters. If you’re large breasted, they should sit in a different place on your shoulders than if you’re small breasted. 

There’s a lot of tricks. That’s why I say invest in a full-length mirror. As you do, if you experiment with your clothing, you will see some of these tricks for yourself. I’m not a magician and I’m not a genius. They are obvious once you know them, and so those are the two things that I see people do wrong. 

Brian Belefant: In defense of people like that, can I just say that sometimes we just don’t even know? And I guess that’s why I need somebody like

Sam Lauachus: That’s why I have a job!

Brian Belefant: Exactly. So is there one simple thing that almost anybody can do that will very easily improve their chances of success? And maybe you answered this with the full-length mirror.

Sam Lauachus: A full-length mirror.

And for women, if you’re going out on a date, you’re getting ready for a date, lighten up on the perfume, girls. Lighten up, especially if you’re getting into his car. You don’t want to kill him. In fact, unless you know that someone likes scent, just go with a very soft essential oil. You can still have a nice fresh scent by going with a light essential oil that somebody can only smell if they’re within five inches of you. And if he is, he better have bought you dinner first.

Brian Belefant: Okay, changing course a little bit. What is your definition of love?

Sam Lauachus: Wow…

Brian Belefant: I know. I’ve grappled with this myself for years, so that’s why I like to ask. 

Aw!

For those of you who can’t see she’s holding up Elvis the puppy.

Sam Lauachus: My definition of love…

Wow, Brian…

It’s a tough one, isn’t it? Oh my God, I’m getting a head ache. 

I don’t believe that love is unconditional. That much I now realize. I kind of liked to think that when I was in my 20s, but it’s not. But I think… What makes me fall in love?

Can I answer that instead?

Brian Belefant: Absolutely.

Sam Lauachus: Because I don’t know if I can answer your question. There’s too many answers to that.

It’s dogs, maybe it’s God. There’s too many answers to that. Maybe what has me fall in love…? 

Brian Belefant: Okay.

Sam Lauachus: That I can kinda answer.

Brian Belefant: What makes you fall in love?

Sam Lauachus: A man who is confident. Funny. And it has less to do with being handsome or any of those kind of things, I mean, certainly doesn’t hurt, but a man who is confident, who is funny, and gives me room to be myself without judgment.

Brian Belefant: Beautiful. 

Sam Lauachus: You can feel… I think all human beings can feel even if they don’t know it consciously, they subconsciously know when they’re being judged. And it makes them squiggy on the inside.

Even if they don’t know it’s consciously. Like some people you just feel good with and you feel safe with and you feel relaxed with… 

Brian Belefant: Yeah.

Sam Lauachus: It’s because they’re not judging you and you know it.

Brian Belefant: Sam, this is so fantastic talking to you. I really do appreciate your doing this. Thank you.

Closing: Sam Lauachus is a fashion consultant and stylist. If you’d like to connect with her, go to Spouse Hunting-dot-net, where you’ll find her in the dating resources section, along with a bunch of other people who can help you be the best person you can be. So you can meet the best person for you.

That’s Spouse Hunting-dot-net. Why net? Because finding a partner is way too important to do without a net. Also dot com was taken.

I’m Brian Belefant. Thanks for listening.